Another time, we matched with a very young girl from South Africa — and since we’d had such a positive experience with Jannette, who was also young, we thought it would be fine. But this au pair needed constant attention and was very used to being the center of it all. While I always give a lot of support, especially in the beginning, it became clear that I had no time left for my own kids. After just a month, she decided to return to South Africa. I felt guilty and sad — but it simply wasn’t flowing.

In response, I matched quickly with an older au pair — the only one we’ve had who had au paired before. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out either. She didn’t want to do certain tasks, like ironing, which I respected and worked around. She also felt the boys weren’t doing enough — a fair observation, which we discussed openly. But still, she wasn’t happy. I tried to build a bond, asked about her weekends, tried to connect, but she saw it as a job and preferred to keep her private life to herself. And that’s where it ended — a mutual sense of misalignment.

Even from these re-matches, we’ve learned so much. If anything, they reminded us that every au pair is different, and even if you think you “know how it works,” each situation brings new dynamics. As hosts, we also need to stay flexible and remember that for many au pairs, this is their first time abroad — a huge change, full of new people, expectations, and responsibilities.

So my advice? Keep being patient, stay open, and give attention. Even when it’s hard. Because that’s what really makes the difference — for them, and for you.